On a good day, I’m a pacifist. On a bad day, I can swear like a sailor, but I’m against true violence.
On gardening day, I declare war.
Wait. That would imply I come armed. Does “liquid fence” count?
People have likened my backyard to a state park. This is kind. We employ wood chip paths, stumps for stools, and my wheelbarrow counts as garden art. Still, I am not willing to feed the park deer.
I can hear them right now. The wildlife is sending a group text: “She’s got tuberous begonias.”
Can you declare war on something when they don’t know there’s a conflict? Certain recent acts of violence in the news would make this appear so. Shooting people. Shooting people back. Shooting people in the back.
Maybe I should post a sign. Or a scent. Does liquid fence count as a red flag? What if the enemy can’t read…or see the signs?
I can’t really say I’m innocent in all this. There are days when I want to engage in conflict with people who don’t realize I’m angry. People driving with me on US 23. Students who send silly emails. My husband.
Furthermore, does a declaration of war on the part of one party necessarily engage the party of the second part? Do the deer have to acknowledge I’m at war with them? Does anyone?
I post these photos as evidence that I planted in good faith. I go on record that I did not intend for these plants to feed anyone, even brown-eyed, elegant mothers of Bambi. If this happens, I will be really upset. Sometimes, I go out and buy new plants. But I’m declaring war right here and now.